When Loneliness Comes

A 10-part faith-based blog series: Week 6

Why do we hate to be alone? What is it that drives us to never experience loneliness? 

Last week we talked about how we are designed to live life together.

I meet people of all types who struggle to be alone, because that initiates a “lonely” response inside of them they don't know what to do with. 

Maybe you grew up and never learned how to be alone and be okay.

Maybe being alone was dangerous or you don’t know how to feel safe just within yourself.

Maybe you took the “strength in numbers” idiom very seriously.

Maybe being alone made others think you were weird or odd.

Overall, I would say society doesn’t quite know what to do with people who are alone and who are okay with it…especially singles. 

Feeling lonely is not a bad thing. Feelings are indicators that something is off or missing that needs to be addressed. 

I also think it’s important to stop before you just try to fill your time and ask yourself if this is just me not wanting to be alone.

It’s important to get to know ourselves and decide how much alone time is good for us to grow, go deeper in our relationship with God, and how much is detrimental for us. This is going to look different for everyone. 

Lonely means “feeling sad because you are alone.” All the introverts in the room are looking at each other and thinking to themselves, “why are you sad? You’re alone, how great is that?!”

However, even an introverted person can struggle with loneliness. Extended periods of loneliness with no reprieve can lead to a tendency towards feelings of sadness, depression, and hopelessness. 

No one can live in loneliness long term and be okay.

Even Jesus experienced loneliness. He had 12 disciples around him a lot of the time and he had to feel alone in his calling so often. He was carrying a weight we know nothing about. He also didn’t try to do it all on his own and knew that he needed people around him…even if they didn’t fully understand the depth of his calling most of the time.

God never promised we'd never feel lonely.

He did promise we'd never be alone.

Deuteronomy 31:6: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

What I do with my loneliness when it overcomes me:

I ask myself, have I talked to God about it? Have I reached out to a friend recently? Have I pursued a new friendship or connection lately? Have I been to church or worship recently? What do I feel like I am missing? How much time alone did I have this past week and was it too much? Or not enough? (This is probably not the case for me.) 

And I turn my mind to the truths of scripture...

“This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go,” Joshua 1:9. 

Do we really believe this? I challenge you to think hard about that verse. 

Or how about this one:

Psalm 16:8, “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” 

I will not let the winds of loneliness shake me, no matter how strong they feel.

Take an honest look at your schedule and see how you have it lined up.

Do you have enough alone time to refresh and renew? Do you have enough time with friends and/or family to help you overcome that lonely feeling? 

Hebrews 10:25, “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”

There is a phenomenon that we can feel lonely around people. If this is the case, I encourage you to first of all, press into Jesus and let him meet you there and bring you comfort. Secondly, reach out to make a deeper connection with someone you trust. If you feel you don’t have someone, ask God to show you who you could go deeper with this week. Thirdly, do something that brings you joy. This could be a hobby like crocheting, painting, reading, hiking, or trying something new. Maybe even bring a friend with you.

I’m not here to tell you that loneliness is easy to overcome. I’ve been there and have struggled in a pit of loneliness that has led to seasons of depression. 

Here’s my challenge to you: Seek God, seek others, and find one thing to look forward to over the next week. Be honest with God and yourself about what you need. 

The devil is SO good at heightening our feelings of loneliness. He loves to tell us that no one cares, people are ignoring you on purpose, and no one will be there for you if you reach out.

We have to start making the choice and take action steps to decide to no longer believe those lies and take steps to overcome them. 

Challenge for this week: 

Read Psalm 42:11, “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again–my Savior and my God!” 

Say this verse to yourself and work to really believe it. Write this on a notecard and carry it with you until you do. 

Loneliness will come, but it doesn’t have to overtake you. 

If you’re struggling right now and can’t figure out how to overcome the loneliness and the lies you’re believing, reach out today and we can talk through it together.