Your Identity Is in Christ, Not Your Relationship Status

A 10-part faith-based blog series: Week 1

Why do we idolize romantic relationships in our world today? 

Why do we introduce ourselves most often with our relationship roles instead of as individuals?

Why does it seem like so many others in our lives are obsessed with helping us get out of our singleness? 

I believe one answer to these questions is fear. 

Fear of being alone, fear of being left out or insignificant, and fear of the unknown being three common fears people struggle with. Being in a romantic relationship helps us feel connected, chosen, and significant in a world where we can often feel overlooked.

How do we overcome these fears and not let them drive our actions?

By trusting in the One who is bigger than any fear we face.

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love…Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear,” 1 John 4:16,18. 

Perfect love casts out fear. Do we really believe this? This is the daily challenge we have to truly believe that God’s love overcomes any fear, including being alone and not in a relationship.

When we are not chosen to be in a relationship, we can feel like God has forgotten us and that no one truly cares about us. That is so far from the truth. Here is the truth:

“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure,” Ephesians 1:4-5. 

God chose us. 

The author and definition of love chose us and adopted us into his family. What could be a greater love than this?

We tend to believe that only a romantic partner can love us in this way, fully and completely, and there is no denying that a romantic relationship is fulfilling. However, the most complete and unfailing love there is only comes from God who chooses us over and over again. 

About 13 years ago, my husband of just under 2 years died very unexpectedly. I have experienced an earthly love that was deep and fulfilling and greater than anything on earth I had ever experienced. Afterwards, I had to decide if I truly believed that God’s love really can fulfill me more than the husband’s love I had just lost. I prayed, wrestled with God, shed many tears, and after months of battling realized that God’s love had never changed or left me through my grief and loss. And somehow I had started to experience his love in deeper and more intimate ways as I came to the end of myself and found that he was all I had left…and he was enough and still is enough. 

No, God’s love is not the exact same as having love in a romantic relationship. However, I do believe it can be just as fulfilling and can grow deeper than we can even imagine. 

I still walk through a daily battle of believing that God’s love is enough for me. This is where I pull my focus back to when it wanders away to the world. Later in Ephesians, Paul goes onto say,

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God,” Ephesians 3:18-19.

This is my prayer for you and for me as we face our singleness on a daily basis.

Here’s my challenge to you for today: Find and write out 10 truths God says about you.

It’s so powerful to write and meditate on the truths of God’s Word and how he continually chooses and loves us more than any human ever could. 

Try 1st introducing yourself with your interests and values instead of your relationship status believing that you are enough. 

Jesus chooses you and that is enough.

If this sounds too hard, reach out today and we can talk about that together.